August Fifth was the second anniversary of our adoption of Tatiana! We celebrated by going out for ice cream with Kevin's parents! Tatiana understood this year, what we were celebrating and that made it extra special. I've been blogging on another site about our everyday life...I hope you will visit there to see how Tati is doing!

Here's a couple of old photo's...The first is from our time at the orphanage...Tati and I are standing by her towel...the one with the yellow balloon by it. The second photo is Kevin, Tati and I the day after the judge granted out petition to adopt Tati...a day that is so precious to me.

Please visit www.studioagallery.blogspot.com for more on Tati and our family.

Melanie

Update

I put a link from my photo blog to Tatiana's blog a couple of days ago and so I am going to update this blog today. Tatiana has been home for one and a half years. She has grown in many ways during her time with us and our love for her has grown too. She is amazingly bright, persistent, full of energy, and always ready to expeience life to its fullest. Here are a few photos of her. The first is a photo from the first time we met Tati in January 2004 and the others are more recent. Melanie

Woven In

Tatiana has been home now for three months. I see her becoming more and more a part of our family as if she is being woven in. On November 21 Tatiana was Baptized in front of her church family at Eastern Avenue Christian Reformed Church and into the family of God. She did amazingly well and seemed to somehow understand the importance of the day. Kevin, Caleb, Jared and I all felt the intense emotion of the day. We are thankful for Mary Hulst who returned to Eastern Avenue from Illinois to administer the Baptism for Tatiana! Mary has been with our family through much joy and pain. Having her here for Tatiana's Baptism has deep meaning for us. Mary is for us one part of the fabric of our family which is woven together with pain and joy, heartache and peace. Her presence at the baptism after being with us through both the pain and joy of the past helps us to weave Tatiana deeper into our family.

Tatiana's language comprehension and expression continue to grow every day. She is now speaking in four word sentances and is much easier for us to understand. There are still moments when I have to say to her "I don't understand" It continues to be frustrating for her and for us but we do see the progress she has made. We look forward to the coming months when we know that communication will continue to improve.

Jared and Caleb continue to do well with Tatiana and have taken on more of the role of big brothers. The three of them play games together... like hide and seek and pretend....they are able to play things that do not require much language. Of course they have moments when they get frustrated with Tatiana...some of that is normal sibling difficulties and some of it is the difficulty of living with a young person who has been istitutionalized her entire life.

Of course, during the past month, Anneke has been on our minds. Two years ago in November she died. Even though we think about Anneke every day of the year this anniversary time is difficult. I continue to long for her and wish that all four of my children could be together and that I could hold them all.

As I have gotten to know Tatiana over the past few months I have come to see that she and I are much alike. I knew before we ment that we had had similar experiences and also some very different experiences. We have both been abandoned by our birth parents and adopted into new families. Our lives filled with loss and blessings from the beginning. I see Tatiana's stubborn spirit and her ability to cope with the stress of her young life. I pray that these traits will aid her and that they will not hinder her from having many years of joy ahead. I know of the pains that life can hold and especially a life that begins with pain. I pray for her and ask the God will show ther the way to peace in her life over the years ahead and I ask him to guide me as I parent her.


Melanie

Busy, Busy

Wow! Another month has gone by and we have all been adjusting to the changes that have come with Tatiana joining our family. Tatiana is doing well. She is learning about family life and learning english. She has energy that is amazing! She is busy, busy from the minute she wakes up until the minute she closes her eyes to go to sleep at night.

Tatiana is a bright girl. I think I have written that before. As a result of her life in an institution she is developmentally behind her peers. So, with the combination of her intelligence and her developmental delays we are very busy while she is working on getting caught up. Sometimes I feel like I am parenting a two year old in a four year old body. Imagine, she is climbing in the dryer, cutting her hair, learning new words, seeing new things in the world...and that is all in one day!

We celebrated Tatiana's fourth birthday on October 1! It was a wonderful day and my heart was with Tatiana's birth mother and other family who were most likely thinking of her on that day. I am praying that they all feel peace in their hearts and that somehow they know that she is in a safe, happy place.

Since Tatiana has been home we have discovered some very good news about her health. Tatiana was a waiting child and part of the reason for that is that she had been diagnosed with Hepatitis B and Hepatitis C. She had been treated with Interferon, a relatively aggressive medication, in the past. We knew of these diagnoiss and were open to helping her to cope with them. Our pediatrician has run some tests and we now know that Tatiana does not have Hepatitis C ( the test shows that she never had it) and has only antibodies for the B virus. She has no signs or symptoms of Hepatitis!

Tatiana did have a common parasite and was treated for this. She is now clear of the parasite after a week long battle with her to get her to take the medication three times a day! Our last steps in the assessment of her health are a chest x-ray to confirm that she does not have TB and an eye exam to see what needs to be done to correct her crossed eyes.

Jared and Caleb are doing well and are adjusting to having this new person in their lives. They laugh when she tries to imitate their english words and like to get her to say things that six year old boys think are gross! They went to a day camp for children who are grieving the loss of someone they love this past Saturday. It was great to see that they had thought about her while they were away and brought home a teddy bear for her!

Our family has another member but we still miss Anneke who left us almost two years ago now. It is so sad to me each time Tatiana looks at Anneke's photo's and says her name. Tatiana will know of her sister in this life as we will tell her all about her life and her death. And I believe that someday my daughters will recognize each other when they are finally together in Heaven.

Since arriving home I have also had the chance to reflect on my time in Russia. I now can see that it was a difficult period for Tatiana and I. We were so restricted in what we could do, in how we could communicate and we had all of our support system so far away. That month was definately a once in a life time experience in many ways. So I would not have changed it but it was a difficult way to begin our life together.

I have also had the chance to think about adoption from the adoptive parents perspective instead of from the adoptees perspective. It is a wonderful experience to be granted the right to raise a child as your own and to accept that person completely as your own. I continue to try to stretch myself to do what God would have me do ...to be more Christ like in my parenting with all of my children. And parenting Tatiana often helps me remember that we are loved just as we are by God....flaws and all....amazing.

I think that I will post here monthly to keep anyone who is still reading updated. As I titled this post Tatiana is busy, busy....exploring and learning and testing. And we are all adjusting to our newest family member. We are so thankful to have her here with us.

I hope that reading about Tatiana's journey inspires and educates readers about adoption. And of course, I hope that someday Tatiana will have a better understanding of her life her journey.

In the short time that Tatiana has been home she has had many firsts. She arrived here twelve days ago. She has gone to a water park, to a pool, played in her own backyard, gone on a boat ride, been to church, slept in her very own room, played with her brothers, been shopping at Meijers for groceries, played on a beach, and the list goes on. It is amazing to think of all of the new experiences she has had.

We read to Tatiana every day and tell her the english words for things all day long. She is begining to speak in english...a word here and there. For example, tonight when she was eating dinner she said "good". And she does on occasion, call me Mom (like her brothers do) instead of Mama.

We see other changes happening too. Tatiana is now beginning to cry when she is hurt. This may sound a little strange but, until recently I would notice a cut or scratch that is big enough to bleed and Tatiana would never bring it to my attention. She would fall and obviously hurt herself and not stop and cry but would get up and go on. This is something that I have heard described in other children who have lived in an institutional setting. Kevin and I are providing comfort to her each time she hurts herself and now we are noticing a change...she will now cry and even come to us for comfort. I know this all sounds backwards... don't we usually try to not make a big deal out of a childs minor cuts and scrapes? As I wrote in another post we are doing things a little different with Tatiana to foster attachment with her. We are hoping that she will begin to learn that we are here to take care of her and that we are reliable, trustworthy and mostly that we love her.

There are many more firsts to come for Tatiana and many more things for her to learn and experience....her journey is just beginning. And I am so happy to be expeiencing it with her!---Melanie

It is the end of another busy day with Tatiana. She is on the go most of the day. She continues to do well and we are all adjusting to the changes in our lives.

At this point, our primary area of concern and the thing that is taken into consideration throughout our days with Tatiana is her attachment to us. In order to develop into an emotionally healthy person a child needs to form a primary attachment to another person. This attachment helps the child learn that the world is a safe place and lets the child know that they are lovable and will be cared for. We know little about the experiences that Tatiana had in the orphanage. What we can say is that she was in an institution from the time of her birth. So, even if her caretakers did their very best to respond to all of the children's needs...there is no way that they could have met the particular needs of each child.

To foster an attachment with a child who is the age of Tatiana there are many things that can be done. Kevin and I are actively working on this with Tatiana.

Part of Tatiana's needs now include understanding what parents are and how a parent and child have a relationship. In an orphange a child goes to which ever staff is available at the time, whoever is not busy with another child and whoever is on for that particular shift...unlike a child who is with a parent and can rely on the parents cosistency. So, many times a child who has lived in an institution will go to whomever is near for comfort and contact. These children are lacking the understanding of primary, secondary and tertiary relationships.

This is difficult for some to remember when they meet Tatiana. We are encouraging adults to help us with this process by taking their relationships with Tatiana slowly. We ask that no one other than Kevin and I feed her ( food is a primary need that is meaningful to a child) and that physical interaction be limited. Tatiana is a bright girl and can interact with an adult even without a common language.

We are thankful for the many people who have prayed for Tatiana and who have been with us during her journey. We also want Tatiana to be a part of the wonderful community of people we have in our lives. Kevin and I continue to learn about Tatiana and the things that are important for her well- being and we are willing to talk with anyone who has questions or other thoughts.---Melanie

It seems that the last few years have been filled with changes for our family. Some happy, some sad and painful. This past week has finally been an exciting happy time for us. Tatiana is here and is adjusting well. Jared and Caleb have begun first grade. Kevin and I are amazed at all we have been through and where our family has come.

We took Jared, Caleb, their friend Andrew and Tatiana out for ice cream today to celebrate the beginning of school. Then we went to millennium Park and played at the playground and in the water park. Tatiana was so happy! She would play and then run back to Kevin and I and hug us. When we went to get a snack Tatiana and I were walking holding hands. As we were walking I told her we were going to eat and she looked at me and said "eat?" in Russian. When I said yes she stopped and kissed my hand. It is such an incredible experience for me to be with her through all of her excitement and joy.

We are working on teaching her that we go to the bathroom in the house. When Tatiana is outside she will pull her pants down, urinate, and then pull up her pants. I am talking her inside and putting her on the toilet when she does this to try to tell her that we go inside and use the toilet. I am not sure if this is something that she has learned at the orphanage. In addition, I know that at the orphanage they did not use toilet paper when the children urinate...Well we are teaching Tatiana the appropriate amount of paper to use....I have no Russian words to explain this so I am hoping that she will get it if I continue to show her. Going into the street is another thing that we are trying to explain to Tatiana with little Russian ...I do know the word for car but that is as far as I can go. So let's hope that she begins to understand that mom is getting excited because it is dangerous and not because it is fun!

Tatiana is enjoying having two older brothers and loves to follow them and be involved with them. She laughs and squeals when they play chase around the house with her and laughs when they try to get her to speak English. She also has intermittently been calling me Mom, as the boys do, instead of Mama, as the mother is called in Russia.

Overall, as I wrote above, this has been a good week! Kevin and I are very tired at the end of each day...so many things are intense and need all of our energy right now. But it is a good feeling to be tired at the end of the day after taking care of children. Each day we are thankful to God for having given us the opportunity to care of our children: Jared, Caleb, and Tatiana and for the time we had to love and care for Anneke. --Melanie